Thought of an adult

I wish, I owned a show. Or two.

I want you think about, your own wish. Or dream. Or obsession. Those are things that come up from your mind and you wish you could own one or to be something. This is not wrong. You are not wrong to choose your own dream or choose your destiny.

When I was a kid, just a little one with one big heart, I did wish to be an actress or someone famous so I could tell people my opinion which at that time I felt so right. I just wanted to be heard. I was confident enough to speak words from my mouth to criticise people who I thought they were not good enough. Like thieves, bad people I saw on tv, bad kids at school, or even government. Criticising was so fun, indeed!

Not a big deal, to keep myself swallowing my thoughts and I wished I could be heard even only once. Growing with two sisters, busy parents, having numbers of same class mates for 10 years who were fragmanted according to parents position at offices, and being forgotten in some friendships had left me feeling unheard. That is my childhood. Anyways, I'm a grown up now. No need to be heard. Finding my own happiness has kept me busy!

As time goes by, my dream to host a show at Indonesian tv program was a dull. Being famous is lame. You can't enjoy the hustle of the capital or just be by yourself at the beach. You are blamed on every shirt you wore and words that you said. Nothing is good of being famous but the money. But "Money can't buy you happiness."

I am now only wishing I can be happy by doing what I love.

I want to be a writer and that is it.

I don't want stuck and getting old sitting behind the desk following what my bosses say. That is stupid.

I don't want to be reach by fooling people, selling stupid stuff that is not really useful for their life. I want to be a hero of a community. I want to be the wonder woman who will teach students to read, fostering lifelong learning, and teaching elders to email their medicine's customer services.

I want an escalation of career. But a career that I am wishing to have is un-mainstream.

That is my wish.

I still want a show. a show that is only me enjoying it.